The truth

mirror in Plaza Francia Living in Buenos Aires sometimes feels like being woken with a glass of ice-cold water every day.

I walk ten blocks and have to step round people, dogs and the effects of dogs, rubbish, broken pavements. I go to get money from the ATM: the door’s locked for no apparent reason, the machine’s out of cash, the security guard turns me away, the queue’s ten deep, it says I’ve reached my daily limit when I haven’t. I go to pay a bill: the cashier I waited ten minutes for is just closing, the system’s down, they stopped doing RapiPago half an hour ago. I look for the bus: fifteen minutes and none come; one sails right past: full; the next one stops and the crush is so deep I cannot breathe, but the driver keeps letting people on and so we shove and jostle and he brakes hard and we all fall into one another – maybe twenty times; I press the bell to get off but the bus doesn’t stop; I walk back to my destination, troubled that I will now be late, in the rain, and have to step round more people, more dogs and the effects of dogs, more rubbish, more broken pavements which rock and shoot filthy water into my shoes… I can be out in the street for three hours and it feels like three days.

A wise friend of mine says cities suck energy from the earth, and from us who walk within them. I think she’s right. And I am unused to that: I am a country soul, who sought the city for good reasons, but now I am becoming aware of the exhausting nature of built up zones: wherever they are in the world. There is so much that I love about Buenos Aires – I have written about it many times here on this page, and it is a place that has granted me more than I ever imagined, but it sure has had its piece of me.

And for almost two years I have chosen, with joy in my heart, to share a lot of myself since I arrived here: on this blog, with you, with travellers who come and we meet, with cyberspace names who ask politely and kindly (or sometimes less politely and kindly) for answers to questions, with fellow adventurers who want to share something with me. I have loved sharing, and meeting and talking and learning, but actually for now… I have had enough. And it isn’t because I have had enough of you, it is because there is not enough left of me.

It is time for me to accept and face up to one of my less attractive truths: that I am naturally one of life’s ‘fixers’, or whatever you want to call it… I’m ‘nice’. Maybe you like the ‘fixers’: they do what you want, they fit round you, they feel they have to explain everything they do, they usually say yes, they make your life easier, they basically sacrifice their own needs for yours. I don’t like being a ‘fixer’: it wears me out, it makes me resentful, it makes me angry with myself . I rebel against it and in those moments maybe I don’t look like a ‘fixer’ at all, sometimes I think I’ve grown out of it… but no, it’s still in me, alive and kicking despite all my best efforts and it’s ugly: it has the power to destroy my dreams, my wants, my needs, who I really am. My bottom line truth on this one is that my ‘fixer’ comes from guilt formed long long ago that should not be there (but that’s another story). I can fall over myself trying to be nice, not offend anyone, try to treat everyone the same, not let anyone down, give you more than you actually ask for… and then suddenly one day I find I don’t want to do it anymore because it feels claustrophobic, I feel under pressure, I want to run away. But I never blame you, because I’m ‘nice’… I blame myself and pile on more bloody guilt and get even angrier with myself… Aaaargh!

And in case you think I am complaining about the bounty of people that my Buenos Aires life and this blog have thrown my way, I am not. As you know, I celebrate some of the great connections I have made. This is me, and not you I am talking about now, me and the fact that I would rather spend time ‘nurturing others’ than ‘nurturing myself’, that actually I would rather ignore myself completely in the effort, usually totally unnecessary and pointless, to make someone else happy: this is absolutely my stuff not yours, and it’s that old pattern again that I talked about once before, just in a different form. And it’s unhealthy and it has got to stop.

Hell, I even feel guilt as I write this: of the ‘What will they think of me?’ type of nonsense… I thought my experience in starting this new life had toughened me up and taught me that it was important to say ‘yes!’ only to the things that in that moment I knew with absolute ‘heart certainty’ that I wanted to do, but bloody hell… you can know something and when you are strong and full of energy you can do it, but when you are tired… hey, how that old behaviour can creep back in. But at least now, when I see myself behave in old ways, I know it is time to push the ‘pause’ button and re-evaluate where I am. And perhaps even more importantly, today I have the courage to do it.

It is a big moment for me right now: my parents fly in tomorrow from England for their first visit to Buenos Aires, to me in my new life, to a time where I want to be only thinking of us, our precious relationships, and the joy that this time can bring to us all… if, and only if, I am fully present.

So for Sallycat it’s time to take a break. I want to give time to my book project: there is a lot of work to be done on that and in the end I hope that it will give something to some of you. I want to give more time to the people I love. I want to give time to me. I am tired, and as I walk pen in hand with ‘The Artist’s Way’ and reflect on my story so far and the guilt I carry, I realise I have some of my own healing still to do and I need to make some space to do it.

And so today I am pushing ‘pause’.

If you are kind enough to comment on this blog, I will answer, even if not immediately. I know that new people find me every day, I appreciate every single person who reads what I write, and I love to get your comments. If you leave questions here I will do my best to answer them, or direct you to the information on the blog’s pages. I want this blog to continue to grow and be a source of information and inspiration for all those who seek it and share with each other by commenting.

If you have thoughts about the book I am writing , please leave them here, on this special new page. I am listening and I am writing for you… especially you, the first time ‘tango tourist’ to Buenos Aires, very especially I am writing for you.

But for now, in terms of me connecting with you, that’s all I can promise.

This next part is a very hard thing for me to write, and makes me feel quite ridiculous, but I am going to make myself do it: I am taking my email address down from the ‘Who?’ page and if you do happen to send me an email, I may not reply… Well there it is, out on the page and it is good because it takes away my internal pressure, and gives me (although I know I have always had it but have been too ‘guilt ridden’ to exercise it, ever), choice again. And how old am I exactly? Five???

I don’t know how long it will be before I write another blog post, indeed I may find that I need to start writing soon after my parents have left, but that I also need to make some changes in my life. When things start to shift inside me ‘big-time’ there is no telling the outcome. I remember when I started this blog in January 2007, I wrote that I would tell the truth on these pages… and I have. The unexpected surprise was that as I wrote the truth in small ways here, I started to see my own truths: the truths of my behaviour patterns, the truths of my character, the truths of my soul, the truths of my heart. The ball started rolling, and now I cannot stop it. I continue to see my truths, and especially when it hurts and I don’t want to, I have to listen. Really it would be easier not to bother, just bury my heart and let my head control my days. After all, a busy life can trick me into thinking that ‘I can’t do the tough thing I really want to do, because I have to do the far easier Y’; a driven life can trick me into believing that ‘I should do X, and Y and Z’ or even that I must and in the worst case that I want to, when in fact I don’t; a life full of the things I enjoyed doing last year, last month or even last week might on the face of it seem great… but it isn’t, if deep down in my heart those things are not what I actually want to do TODAY. And now I will take time to think about that a little and re-evaluate what I need to do in the light of my soul’s current longing for space, and peace, and green.

So it may not be a ‘goodbye’, but it’s time for a jump-on-the-plane-to-Salta style ‘hasta luego’ while I focus on my parents, my sisters who I haven’t spoken to for weeks, Carlos, my closest friends (one of whom is also on her way to me right now), myself and my ‘baby creative artist’ that is just being born…  and when my ‘creative artist’ is ready, and not my ‘inner bossy pressure building critic’, I’ll write here once more.

In January 2007 I thought this blog was going to be mostly about one woman’s tango journey. Beyond my wildest imaginings it has turned out to be a documentary of one woman’s ongoing struggle to face and heal the past, follow her heart and awaken her creativity in the present, and so discover a kinder future for herself. Now, I almost feel that I have just reached the beginning, and that there is more to come, much more: but I have reached a point where I am not ready to share it, not quite yet.

And just for today, from my heart to yours, that’s the truth.


54 Responses

  1. i support you! xx

  2. cindy, thank you voice from afar. it matters. x


  3. Hello Sally Cat

    First, I would like to send you a very big very supportive hug. Second, a great big thank you for everything you have shared with us all. I can’t tell you how much some of your posts meant to me and how often I have pondered your very soulful words and truths. I have learned and enjoyed from you. Third, you go nurture that baby creative artist and go nurture yourself. It’s a very necessary thing and you shouldn’t feel guilty:)

    Thank you for all of your beautiful words and I -and I’m sure everyone else- will be standing round with welcoming arms if or when you decide to return.

    Luck and love to you and yours

  4. Hello Christine
    (I will always think of you as Christine in LA)

    Your words move me. Truth is a piece of me is scared that if I let go for a while, you guys may not be there when I am ready to write again… but in the end I have to face that one too and trust. It is lovely therefore that you reassure me with your beautiful words, and tell me that you will be.

    Till soon my friend, SC

  5. Hey Sally, We are here, and we are friends. We respect your need for space. Gonna miss your entries, but still, grateful to know you as much as we can from afar.

  6. I hear ya sister. I hear ya I hear ya I hear ya.

    Have a wonderful time with your parents! 🙂

  7. Dear SallyCat,
    I knew it would happen, and frankly, I thought it would be long before this.
    The blog has served its purpose, and now it’s time for you to move on.

    I’ve so enjoyed living your journey with you. (As well as knowing you personally because of the blogs we write, hm, wrote.)
    All the best on your next journey!
    Thank God it’s never boring.

    Besos grandes! Don’t be a stranger!

  8. Hey Sally, feel no guilt at all!

    I know your public will attentively await more of your tender stories and revelations. Enjoy your family. 🙂 Enjoy some time to recharge.

  9. Thank you for sharing your truth for all this time. Your posts have made me think and smile and sometimes almost cry. Breaking old patterns is very difficult to do. Take care of yourself and enjoy your time with your friends and family. And take all the time you really need – I think there’s no danger that your readers will disappear – we’ll find you; you have been too inspiring to get lost.
    I wish you all the space and peace you need for the next bit of your journey. And don’t feel guilty for taking things for yourself, please.
    Big hug

  10. As one of those sisters I’ll miss this particular way into your world – articulate, honest, insightful, sharing, poetic, full of energy and grace. But glad that you’ve identified the need to move on from the ‘responsibility’ of this when it doesn’t feel right anymore.

    Have a fantastic time with Mum and Dad and I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon!

    Jo x

  11. E. Afar maybe, but much loved and appreciated by me. Thank you for your unending support, and for understanding.

    Tina, thanks chica. Hast pronto, si?

    Cherie, I am still honestly not sure if it is ‘the end’ of the blog or just some time out, or whether the blog will become something else… all I know at this point is that I need to consider that very question, along with others, and take a holiday at least.
    I don’t even want to think about the outcome yet, it’s too soon: and I was out at La Viruta till the birds sang the dawn in last night, so a bit groggy this morning!!! And the best part was that Carlos scored us all some yummy warm medialunas from the bakers baking them (through the kitchen window) as we walked towards Scalabrini Ortiz: they were warm, and delicious and fresh, fresh, fresh and you know what I thought? ‘Oh god I’d love to write about this on the blog!’…bloody hell, I don’t know…
    Oh well, I’ll get there and absolutely, it sure ain’t ever boring!

    Do you know something? When I read your words to me they always sound peaceful. It is the strangest thing, but your comments calm my heart. Recharge, yes I like that word. That’s what I want, above all. Thank you.

    I’m gonna talk to you… SOON!!! Promise. And will let ya know that the guys arrive safe. By the time they do, you lot will all be asleep, so Friday, we will be in touch.


  12. Boy, you described the actual city of BA perfectly. My less detailed description would be “soul-sucking hell hole.” 🙂 I felt spiritually ill there after 3 months despite the bounty of good people and good artistic happenings. The lack of sky and green and overwhelming overbalance of ugly cement was too poisonous. You have to be so tough to choose to live there. I wish you all the best and will miss reading your stuff.

  13. b. Yes maybe cities really do suck… as I think you dear Americans might say! Thank you for sticking with me all this time, and if I write again, I hope you will read still.

    ps. the DNI men’s shoes are $340pesos, did you see that on the other page? My friend checked for you.


  14. Oh, great, thanks a lot to you and her! I last checked that post a week ago. Wow, so they really did go up 100p! I wonder if there has been 30% inflation on most goods. Hm.

    I wish you the best and pray that the future finds us both happy next time we meet.

  15. We send a big hug. Shrewsbury sends a big hug. We had a great weekend there and in conversation with other tangueros we spoke about something you mention in this poignant but completely understandable post.

    Some people give energy, some people take energy and some people are an energy vortex that will drain you dry of energy if you allow them. We need to know when to say enough is enough.

    Believe in yourself chica, in what you and C have found and that there are many people around the world that will quietly wait with good hearts for you to re-emerge when you are ready.


  16. Oh Steve, how amazing that you write with word of your travels to teach tango, in Shrewsbury (!), the town where I was born, the night that my parents arrive in Buenos Aires from that very place.
    There is a smooth circle in there somewhere that comforts me: of synchronicity, of one thing leading to another, of things being drawn together, of connection and love and closure.
    It is a sign to me that unconditional love surrounds me and that all will be well.

    That you and D. care and follow me still, and support me by commenting here, is special. And today your words move me than you know. Thank you…

    And now, I’M OFF TO THE AIRPORT!!!


  17. I forgot to say that I’m a “fixer” too, but unlike you, I enjoy the roll. I was a librarian for so long that it just comes naturally to say to someone, “How can I help you?” And if I can, I’m happy.

    And we bloggers tend to be asked for help because we’re out there–and we appear to be experts on tango, Buenos Aires, expatriatism, photography, modern culture, fashion and which way the wind is blowing. So people we don’t know email us for help.

    An exhausted Tina wrote once that she was tired of being the BsAs Welcome Wagon Lady and she was going to cut back with people she didn’t know.

    But rest assured you uncomfortable “fixers” in bloggerland, there are others who will take up the slack.

    And others who need to put themselves in the middle of their lives and get on with it.

    And it’s all good!

  18. Great stuff Cherie!
    It is all good… we just gotta find out what makes us happy today and do it.


  19. Hi Sal, decided to read your blog today, fortunately, to see that you are taking a break. Knowing you as I do I think that it is s good thing, recharge your batteries, don’t let the b******ds get you down. You did an amazing thing by moving to Argentina, extremely brave, enjoy life, it is for living, we are only here once (I think, hate to see if I’m wrong!)

  20. Hey Steve! Bloody hell, fancy seeing you here! Brilliant!
    Yeah, you do know me pretty well from what seems a lifetime ago, and some patterns prove tough to change.
    Holiday definitely required!

    Yep, I think we have to take some risks, and push some boundaries if we want to know who we really are: and then by God we have to find the courage to face the truth.
    But it is soooo worth it.
    The past two years have sent me on the most incredible journey and I have felt more alive than I knew possible. And I am still kicking! I ain’t done yet, that’s for sure… in this life, or the next…

    Big bear hug to you from me, SC

  21. reviso tus entradas ,para leerte y espero encontrarte pronto y tambien espero .que sigas viviendo tan buenos momentos aqui en argentina

  22. Dear sallycat,

    You’re so courageous and full of heart. Living in a city, let alone one so foreign to your upbringing, is bound to be an adventure at best, a rollercoaster at worst.

    Most importantly, you have to take care of yourself in whatever way is best…and you know that all of us who have enjoyed being a small part of your life understand that and want the best for you. Enjoy your family, your friends, Carlos, your future plans and current activities.

    You know we’ll be here if and when you come back, in whatever guise that may be. And of course, I’ll be looking forward to your book. (no pressure)


    just be well. and be happy!

  23. We’ll miss you!

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey with such generosity. When I was back in the UK, planning my own scary tango journey, your blog meant more to me than I can say. It was proof that it was possible, and a guide to making it possible, and a kind of travelling companion, all in one. I’m very glad it will continue to be there to help and inspire other travellers. Hopefully the book will allow you to do the same for an even wider audience!

    I wish you all possible joy and success with your new journey, and I’m very glad that my own short trail note about the Artist’s way proved helpful!

  24. Yamila
    Muchas gracias por tu commentario. Estoy muy feliz que todavia lees mi blog. Espero que algun dia viajaré mas en Argentina… y me gustaría a encontrarte.
    Un beso!

    I am so happy to have my parents with me, and today I feel excited for the unfolding pages of the future: my art, my writing, my dreams, my life.
    I have really just given myself permission to make choices all over again, and that feels good.
    Very good.
    And I know you are there, you know it.
    Your San Francisco curtain blows in the fresh air, next to my desk and reminds me that for me a sense of freedom and feeling energised and alive go hand in hand.

    Thank you too. There is no doubt that you with your suggestion were a vital part in getting me to this point. So anything I may have done for you on your journey, well you have led me somewhere that I never imagined, and because of it my artist knows it exists. And although it has been a bit uncomfortable, I am very very glad to be exactly where I find myself right now. Thank you!


  25. Dear Sallycat

    In just over an hour I’m going danceing.:-)
    I’m going to dance my sadness that you (for awhile at least) will not be here to read when I come home.
    I’m going to dance my joy for you that you are taking another step forward in your journey along lifes road.

    I started my tango journey about 4 months after you and discovered you just over a year ago. In that time you have inspired me, made me laugh and made me cry. ( mind you I cry easily) In short you have made a room for yourself in my heart. That room is yours… and you are welcome back anytime, if ever, you wish to come back.

    I have wanted to write to before, but I don’t write easily and others always said most of the things I wanted to say anyway. I thought a comment just saying ” yes yes yes” would seem to wierd. Now I feel compelled to add my voice to the others here and say, Thank you, good luck, god speed and get everone you love to give you a BIG hug for me.
    Yours is an incredable life in a world of incredable lives and you are an insperation to anyone who wants to live a life true themseves.

    Tango on and we will be here when you get back.

  26. That should read “a life true to themselves”


  27. mj, Mike in Van,

    That you have read me for a year, and yet never commented, but that you do now: it is wonderful, and I thank you for putting yourself onto this page, into this moment in my time.

    ‘In short you have made a room for yourself in my heart. That room is yours… and you are welcome back anytime, if ever, you wish to come back.’
    Mike, that is beautiful… Me and my artist like it very much and are going to say to you, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ and maybe you will see that it doesn’t sound that weird, just positive and certain and true!

    We hope that we find a way to come back, some time soon. Until then, I wish you discovery and joy on your journey.


  28. […] yummy things. Among those sweet things we enjoyed churros [fried-dough pastry originated i… The truth[Sallycat’s Adventures] Living in Buenos Aires sometimes feels like being woken with a glass of […]

  29. Take a break and come back energised – we’re waiting for you!

  30. Quickroute, thanks! SC

  31. Hi Sally.

    Thank you for all the lovely blogs you’ve written. They’ve helped me reconnect with the Buenos Aires that I don’t get to visit often enough. Take care of yourself.

  32. Hi Sal
    I could say, how can you feel like this living in BsAs, but I realise everything you say is true, and everyone gets down sometimes. I hope this feeling passes soon, I will miss your posts, don’t be gone too long.
    We are off to Shrewsbury next week, we will think of you there.

  33. Hello Sallycat,
    I am an italian journalist, writing for (also dancing tango :). I found your site looking for stories about taxi dancers. I would like to get in contact with you both to ask you something about this world, and also (since i found your project very interesting) to ask you about your book (maybe could be an idea for another article, but i dont’know). Send me an email if you contact me, so that we can arrange how to get in touch (maybe skype?), I would be very pleased to know you.
    Thank You,

  34. Connie
    Hi and thanks. I do not think this will be the last of my updates from Buenos Aires: after some days high in the Andes I have much to reflect on. I will see where my heart leads me.
    Until soon.

    Thank you for thinking of me.
    In the end I’m not sure it matters where we are, we can get tired or just reach points in our lives where we want to pause and reflect. It is not really that I am down, in fact I feel energised and excited for the next page in my life… I just want to be spacious enough to hear and feel where that page could be.

    Wow, Shrewsbury just keeps popping up in my world even though I am in Argentina! Say hi to the hills for me. This week I was at over 4000 metres in the Andes. The Shropshire hills may not be quite as close to the sky, but truly they are beautiful and I love them. Enjoy!


  35. Hi Marco
    Thanks for stopping by my blog.
    I will be in touch in the next few days.
    Until soon, SC

  36. Sally,

    cities – not all they’re cracked up to be 😦

    If your muse wants you to return to blogging she’ll let you know. Until then… look after #1, and take care,


  37. Owen
    Thanks. I will. Beso. SC

  38. Dear Sally,

    Like so many others, I want to say thank you for sharing your thoughts and your experiences over these many months. I have stopped by often to read your blog… and carry my own dreams about Buenos Aires… that you have proved are possible.

    During those few weeks each year when I visit Argentina, I reconnect with the energy of the city (the good, the bad, and yes… of course, the ugly). I wonder each time if the feelings will still be the same, and they are….

    I wish that I could spend more time. I feel like someone who is starving, and that Buenos Aires is a wonderful meal, and that I never get to eat enough to feel full. Before I know it there are tears streaming down my cheeks as I get into the taxi that takes me bay to the airport…

    Maybe someday it will be my time, to explore my life, through the lens of Argentina.

    I will miss you… I will look forward to the book that you will write… and I hope one day our paths will cross.

    Sending you much love… gratitude… and positive energy.


  39. Hey Sharon,

    Thanks so much for your lovely comment and support.
    It’s more than two weeks since I wrote this ‘pause’ post, and already I feel my batteries recharging. I begin to think that it is not goodbye from this blog, or this blogger.

    But, I have decided to give myself one month of long hand writing only! It’s a challenge to stay away from the blogger’s page after nearly two years! But I wanted space, I know it is what I need, and ‘making some room’ for myself is putting me back in touch with my evolving dreams.

    I hope that you may be interested to read whatever shapes up on this page as time passes. And I wish for you that your own dreams and your responses to them, lead you on a wonderful journey of discovery, as mine have done me.

    I believe that anything is possible.

    Thank you for all the wonderful gifts that you send me. I hold them close.


  40. Dear Sally,

    I can relate with everything you said. I consider myself a “fixer” too. I have a hard time saying “no” to people which causes me to forget about myself. And when I catch myself forgetting about “me,” I get angry with myself. My time here in BsAs, though, is allowing me to spend time with myself which I don’t know how to do quite frankly. It’s a struggle I’m going through right now. Still Life has it right. This is our time to recharge.

    I wish you nothing but the best 🙂

  41. Hi Erika

    Yep, I understand what you say completely. I found it a great challenge to spend time with myself in BsAs in the months after the initial phase of ‘arriving in the new’ wore off, but gradually I have adjusted: life feels full now, but I like to have some space too and I am comfortable in my own company in that space. It probably helps that deep down I am a bit of a loner, and I have learned that I actually prefer a bit of detachment. I function better that way because one thing I hate is to feel trapped or pressured. It just doesn’t work for me!

    I guess we all thrive on different circumstances and degrees of space, and finding out what works for us can be part of life’s journey. When we are not used to something it can feel alarming at first, but sometimes the only way to really know is to experience and that is what you and I are doing. If we allow space then we can choose what to fill it with, or the degree to which we what to fill it in the future.

    I think what I want to try to avoid is the feeling that if there is space then I ‘have to fill it’ with something ‘useful’, or ‘successful’ or ‘worthwhile’ based on what society has taught me… or that I fill it with something that I don’t really want, just to keep ‘busy’ or to distract me from facing myself.

    I am now in a place where I appreciate my space, and I am trying to use the space to explore some things that I want to do. I am feeling a new energy and gradually I hope to understand where I want to direct it.
    I am thinking of you, and I wish you peace and continued discovery on your journey.


  42. Best of luck Sally. You (and your blog) will be missed!

  43. Hi Hippy Bogus

    Thx. And maybe it isn’t the end. Just a pause.
    We shall see.
    Beso, SC

  44. Dear SC
    Thank you for your lovely response to my comment. Once again you show the positive energy that seems to leave your finger tips and spread out threw the world.
    I tried to tap into that energy Tuesday night as I left our local milonga angry and frustrated at the lack of floorcraft and etiquette. Saying to myself, As Sally says, “it’s a journey”. Well that was one bloody awful piece of road so it makes all that nice road seem even nicer. Surprisingly it helped:-) So Thank you. Sorry about the vent but that helped too, I feel better.
    So glad that you feel your batteries recharging and I hope you don’t get writers cramp from all that longhand writing. Maybe you should explane what that is for your younger readers. lol just kidding.
    Anyway I’m off too work and running late so take care and Thank You.

  45. Oh ya whats with the new photo here. It’s so small on my laptop I can’t tell what it is.

  46. Hey Mike in Van

    Well the pic is me posing, on the ‘Salinas Grandes’, the big salt flats up in the Andes… yeah I know it’s teeny tiny but hey, I like a bit of mystery!

    Ah yeah the rough bits of road…

    On Saturday night I went to Maipú 444, Cachirulo, with a friend. I’m not a regular there, got a terrible seat, couldn’t cabeceo a soul, not that anyone was looking at me, got a bit pissed off for a lot of reasons which I won’t go into here…
    (Actually I did dance with two guys and they were both lovely, so it wasn’t all bad… but I was there a loooong time).
    In the end Carlos showed up and saved me and we danced some merengue in the tropical tanda, which always makes me smile.
    Now I am a girl who actually prefers to sit out a few tandas but it breaks my heart if I can’t dance to the music I love and these days I need more than two tandas out of a trip into the Centro, entrada, drinks, several hours…
    And I know if I want that in Cachirulo, then I probably have to go regularly, and that’s not what I want to do right now.

    Next night I went, with the same friend, to La Milonguita, my local milonga: It’s the first time I’ve been there without Carlos but I got a good seat, danced all night, and loved it… and I probably loved it even more because of the previous night’s disaster. In fact I was up for it because of the previous night. I was like, ‘Right you guys, you ARE gonna cabeceo me!’ And all was well.

    I thought about not going out to La Milonguita. Didn’t want the prospect of a repeat of Cachirulo. I’m glad I didn’t stay at home.
    Funny how fast I forgot about the less than happy night, as soon as I was in a blissful embrace the next night.

    Thanks for checking back in and sharing! You reminded me that just when everything seems at its worst, the best can be about to come…


  47. SC
    You are so right, went to class last night and had a GREAT class.

    When you talked about dancing “merengue” I didn’t know what you were referring to so I Googed it and wow I see why it makes you smile 🙂
    Hope you and C have a great weekend.


  48. What you said about your baby-artist reminds me of this quip I just read:

    “What does it really mean to put yourself first? It means liking yourself. It means trusting yourself. It means not bossing yourself around, because if you’re bossing yourself around, it’s the boss, not you, who comes first. It means taking care of yourself, in every sense of the word.” —Mira Kirshenbaum

  49. Bob, hi again!

    That is what I am coming to realise.
    Thanks for the reinforcement. It is great to read that quote.


  50. Hi, Sal. Just caught up with the last days of blog after being away for way too long…. my only excuse is exhausting amounts of life here, and way too much long-haul travel. Lovely writing in your last post, and a good set of reasons why the claustrophic L will probably never agree to go there.

    Your thoughts about “the fixer” ring true… it manifests independently of gender.

    Hugs, and happy/merry. We’ll be thinking of you, and you have my email in Sydney. 🙂


  51. Hi dear J and L

    How lovely that you stopped by and caught up with me. I have had two months away from writing the blog, but am now on the verge of returning, so watch this space. Oh how I needed a battery recharge, and I am happy that I have reached a point in life where I can make some space if I have to, and indeed that I can even know that space is what I need. This year I think I will be having a picnic in a park on Christmas Day. It makes me remember with fondness a certain festive lunch in a Chinese restaurant in Sydney… Much love to you both.


  52. Dear Sallycat

    I just wanted to thank you for your blog. I arrived in BA, solo, to learn tango and have used it constantly as a source of information about things, but also a blog that gives a real flavour of what BA is like for an outsider.

    I have only just read your last blog and wanted to say I hope you{re ok & thank you for everything you{ve written.

    Rachel x

  53. Hi Rachel

    Thanks so much for your comment.
    I am really happy that my blog helped you.
    What I hope for most of all is that my own experiences might be useful to others who travel here for tango.

    I am ok, more than ok. I have had a good break and it has been a creative one. Today I have begun the move to my blog’s new home:

    and I am also working on letting my artist have a go at writing a book for first time tango tourists to Buenos Aires.
    It’s fun.

    If you see me say hi. And I hope you continue to enjoy your time here.

    Beso, SC

  54. thats wonderful, and I so wanted the book it sounds like you{re writing, before i came out!

    i´ll keep an eye out for you, but i might be easier to spot – short, v.short blonde slightly lesbianish-looking hair, smiling lots as i dance and getting all my footwork completely wrong!

    and if i don{t see you, have a great christmas and look forward to the book for my next trip


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