BE who you want to be

DSC01301 I have started to write my book, and it feels good. Actually it feels bloody AMAZING! Also it feels completely terrifying because every few minutes I tell myself I CAN do it and then every other few minutes I tell myself I CAN’T do it. My seesawing mental state gives me a taste of the corkscrew ride ahead and reminds me of the reality of my journey thus far. In my unfettered dreams the book is an international success, changes the lives of millions and I travel the world giving inspirational lectures on how to transform a life. In my nightmares of course I discover that I have absolutely nothing of value to say and the book never gets published. But you know what? It doesn’t matter a jot because, the writing of it alone will be an adventure. My experience since leaving England shouts that to me loud and clear.

In my first ever blog post back in January 2007 I wrote:

In my ‘warrior’ moments I am a free spirit, a courageous adventurer and will stay in Argentina forever, maybe popping back after three months to rent out my flat and dance a few perfect tangos at Archers Road. When I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep, I know I’ll never once get asked to dance at a Buenos Aires Milonga and I’ll be back here within a month, with less dancing confidence than I have now. I guess the truth is somewhere in between.

So I was on the same self belief/terror seesaw back then though feeling it far far deeper, and look what happened. I stayed in Argentina, I danced here, I went back and danced there… and now I can’t believe that I was ever so terrified. It is proof to me that if you can dare to step outside your boundaries, your boundaries really do move. You can keep stepping further and doing more and not only do the boundaries back off but they seem to get weaker and weaker too.  Or maybe I’ve got stronger.

I love how dreams emerge. I think that once you start following one dream you encourage the others to the surface: your dreams start believing in YOU, ‘Hey it’s safe to come out you guys, she won’t ignore you any more.’ In January 2007 my acknowledged and spoken dreams were all tango and trying out life in another land. But I think too, unspoken and drowned in fear of failure at my core, was my life goal: to inspire others, and eventually to write a book to do so.  And I knew it, but I would never have written about it on my blog  because I did not have the courage to publicly announce a dream that I didn’t think I had a chance of achieving. And anyway, I had no prospect of inspiring anyone based on my story at that time because it was only just beginning. Now things have changed. People actually tell me that I do inspire them. I love dancing tango and living in Argentina. But now my life has become about so much more than that. It has turned into a quest to be true to myself, to follow my heart, to live my dreams. And I want to find a way to pass that experience on to more people than those treasured souls who read this blog.

It would be easy to say nothing about what I’m trying to do in writing this book, and indeed I won’t share the details of the content, because maybe it will dilute my creative energy… sometimes with writing that happens. I want my ideas to burst out onto the page. But I will share my dream here, and its journey and how I cope with it. I am no longer embarrassed by failure, or lack of success, or unexpected detours. So I don’t have to keep quiet on account of fear that one day people will say… Well Sal, whatever happened to that book that was going to inspire the world? If that time ever comes then so will the answer. To me the joy is in the trying, in the participating in life, in the following of the light of the heart to whatever it ends up illuminating.

So for now I am getting my head around the process and the business of publishing. I am trying to discover which agents might be interested. I am working on a query letter, a proposal, a sample. I am in the preparation phase. But what is important is that I am taking action. I’ve been talking about doing this for far too long.

Scary? A bit. Testing my self belief? Definitely. Soul resonating? Totally. Gotta be done then eh? Absolutely.

So from blog to book, we’re on the way! I don’t know what the outcome will be, but starting to write is exactly like stepping on the plane to Argentina. I’m feeling the fear, but I’m doing it anyway. It’s the only choice in a life dedicated to writing your own script and being exactly who you want to be.

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16 Responses

  1. Ah, this is so exciting, Sal! You area always a source of inspiration to me, Dream on!!!!!!

  2. Do I get a signed copy? 😉

  3. You have certainly inspired me – both by your story (and the life- and self- discoveries contained within) and the way you tell it in your blog. 🙂

    I have a friend who was a book agent in a past life, so if you have any questions you’d like me to run by him I’d be happy to do so!

  4. You are writing great stuff Sal. I can’t wait to read your book! In some of these latest blogs, which I have just read all at once, I have found myself thinking – that is so wise, that is so true! You have real insight into the human condition! Glad you have found space for you again. Take care lovely one x

  5. I’m so happy to hear that you’re writing a book–and more importantly, that you’re following your dream!

    I found your blog in such a roundabout way–I live in San Francisco, and I read an article in the SF Chronicle on tango, which linked to an article on BA, which linked to some local BA bloggers, and one of those blogs had a link to you. But once I found it, I found myself compelled to read your story from the beginning. You’re a truly extraordinary woman. Your fearlessness is incredibly inspiring, and you have an amazing gift for making your readers believe that they can find the same fearlessness in themselves. Thank you so much for sharing your adventures, and best of luck with the book!

  6. La Tanguera, you know what I love the most? That you call me Sal… it makes me feel loved and that anything is possible! And I sure as hell will keep dreaming!

    Tina, yeah I might just manage that!!!
    Will I see you dancing to Los Reyes tonight at Canning? I hope so. Me and C. will be there…

    Modern Tanguera, hey thank you for that generous offer. THANK YOU!

    Jane, precious sis. Just thank you for your constant support and confidence building words. It is always so lovely you see your comments pop up on my blog. I know how busy you are. That you are there when I least expect it touches me more than you know.

    Jeanne, I am so happy that you found me in that roundabout way and that you felt compelled to read more. I always know from my blog stats when someone reads back from the beginning because I see the list of posts all read once. I always get a buzz when that happens because I know that someone has been interested enough to want to know more.
    What you say about me, well it is amazing to hear. It is what I want more than anything: for others to believe in themselves enough to know that anything is possible – any which way, but if my blog can help even a tiny bit, then I am delighted!
    I do hope you will keep reading.

    SC

  7. Sally,

    I reckon you do have an original story in you. All of us have a story in there waiting to be told, much like dancing. Only some of us have the courage and the determination to see that story/dance through.

    It inspires me enough to think about following my own dream :-).

  8. Hippy Bogus, my curiosity is dying to know what your dream is! But whatever it is I sure hope you do more than think about following it! GO FOR IT!

    SC

  9. Right on! Write up a book proposal and a chapter for review. Your words really spark, and I think an agent would respond to your manuscript.

  10. stilllifeinbuenosaires
    I gotta say to you that your previous comment was the push I needed to crack on with this. I thank you for your words of encouragement. You have no idea how important they are to me.

    SC

  11. You’re great – amazing
    Always have been
    Always will be
    Love you

    Mo
    xx

  12. Mo, thank you my pal in the English countryside.
    Love you too

    SC

  13. Sallycat!!!!

    I have obviously missed out on a few posts but this is WONDERFUL news! You are going to have an incredible book! Everywhere I turn in the past few days I am meeting such talented women and many of them are somewhere in the book process: working on one, just having one printed, one ready to sell.

    I am SO excited for you and cannot wait to be the first person in SF to own your book. I know it is not an easy thing to do, but I know you will put in an extraordinary effort for a wonderful read.

    Can’t wait to here more about it.

  14. Tangobaby, as always your bright words lift me up.
    THANKYOU!

    SC

  15. your blog is beautiful Sallycat!
    I came across it yeasterday, and have read and read; laughted with you, nearly cried at times, been deeply touched in my soul…what a couragous and generous woman you are ❤
    I love your writing – keep on!
    hugs
    tanguera in norway

  16. Hi Zora
    I do not know if you will realise how wonderful it is to come in from my day today and read your comment. Thank you so much for telling me that you found me, that you read me, and that you have connected with my writing…
    Your support matters to me on my journey.

    Today I have been happy. I have met with fellow bloggers in Buenos Aires, and other friends. I have danced some lovely tangos. I have come home to Carlos. And tonight I have your warm comment to lift me higher.
    What more could I ask?

    Hugs from Buenos Aires to you in Norway,

    SC

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