Keeping the dream alive

IMGP8008 This morning Ariel said to me, laughing, ‘We have been dancing together seven months and those two seconds, I feel you perfect. I don’t know what you did but I feel your body perfect!’ I laughed too, and said, ‘Well maybe that’s it. Those are the two seconds of perfection and we will never feel them again!’ This was a tiny moment, but a totally happy one. Later in the class there was another. This time while dancing my heel caught in my trousers and I fell sideways on to the floor. Again me and Ariel were laughing, like two kids, me rolling on the floor and him towering above me, offering his hand. Perhaps in some ways, not quite such a perfect moment, but actually for me, it was perfect. I love these small moments, and they are what make my experience of life here so very special.

As my visitors have started to arrive, and I have begun to show them a few places or recommend things to do, it’s got me thinking about what actually makes experiences special for different people. I have noticed that although I can be terribly enthusiastic and excited about something, it is impossible for me to transmit that enthusiasm and excitement into someone else’s experience. Just because I have fallen in love with this place, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will. They might never get why I love this or that tango salon, or this or that orchestra, or this or that type of coffee. I realise that I may be living my dream, but it won’t be everyone’s. And I have to be sure that I don’t let their reactions impact on my joy, my childish enthusiasm, my unending delight that I am living this new life. If I am not careful I can find myself worrying about whether they are having a good enough time, whether I should be showing them different things, even wondering why I liked this or that so much in the first place. I have to learn to ‘show’ and then mentally ‘go’, and leave them to it. Yes I can show them what I love, but I must prepare to keep my favourite things safe in my heart and in my head, should their reaction be rather different to mine.  I am learning that I can share aspects of my dream, but also that I need to work  a bit internally to keep the dream safe so that it stays bright and shiny for me.

And so, as I am sharing my life with others, I am reflecting on what puts the ‘zing’ into my own experience of  Buenos Aires. What are the things that add sparkle to my dream, and that have the power to revive my passion if it starts to flag a bit? Well truth is that they change every day, but here are five small things that have put the colour in my Friday, outside of my gorgeous tango lesson with Ariel:

  • That the stunning red of the strawberries in the ‘verduleria’ on the corner, stopped me in my tracks. I bought a kilo. Some days they don’t have strawberries, or they are not as red, or I don’t think they are as red.
  • That a ‘quinze’ (Number 15 bus) arrived as I walked towards the bus stop and it was empty with breeze blowing through the open windows and I could choose my favourite solo seat opposite the getting off doors. On another day I can wait at the stop for twenty minutes, the bus will be like a sardine can, it will be unbearably hot and I will have to stand the whole journey.
  • That I have come home with a purse full of ‘monedas’ (change). Some days I have to give away all my change in shops, to taxi drivers, as tips because noone ever has any change. ‘Tenes monedas?’ (Have you got change?) is perhaps one of the most often spoken phrases here. And my most often spoken phrase in reply is ‘No tengo’ and I say that even when I have got plenty.
  • That as I sit in my apartment I am listening to countless birds serenading me with their various tunes. Yesterday all I could hear was the wind and rain. And I had to keep the patio doors closed.
  • That I am looking forward to going to ‘La Baldosa’ tonight, dancing for hours with my Argentine and eating a yummy shared steak, chips and salad followed by ‘flan con dulce de leche’. I love it when I have that excited feeling about going to a favourite Milonga. Some days I don’t have it. But today I do. And I hope my Argentine wears his suit so I can stare at him all night (I love men in suits, and especially him).

Just writing down these five things has brought a huge smile to my face.

Now I know that I will never have any reason to let anything put a dent in my dream. If all I have to do is find five tiny things a day to revive me, it will be forever easy to keep my dream alive and kicking. Meanwhile I’m still smiling about my lesson with Ariel. The truth is that I know what I did in those two perfect seconds. If I did it once, then maybe, just maybe, I can do it again. Maybe if I work hard enough I can turn it into a habit. Maybe one day I will surprise myself and him and do it for a whole tango. Maybe.

Ah well, I can dream can’t I?


4 Responses

  1. I always lie about my change too. Or I tell them I need it for el collectivo, they seem to let it go when you mention the public transport.

  2. Oh, a familiar feeling! I understand how disappointing it is when you are enthusiastic about something, and then when you share it with others, they don’t feel the same way, and it’s ruined for you as well after that! It’s the worst thing ever!

    I think that this ‘problem’ is common to alot of kind, genuine people who really care about others and what they think. The danger is that this type of person can lose themselves by trying to be everything to everybody; a constant battle between being for yourself, and being for everyone else. When you lose yourself completely, only a withdrawal from all you know and love can focus you back on you.

    I think of it like a toybox: old toys can be thrown away, new toys can be added, favorites can be shared, but what ever happens, pack all the important ones safely away at the end of every day. Thank you for highlighting this Sally – it’s a reminder that I know I need often!
    Muchos besitos xxx

  3. Yes Charlotte you sure are talking about me there!

    And what I have to remember is that every one of us humans is beautifully unique. That’s what makes us special, and it is something to be celebrated. It’s just my internal stuff that can turn it into a problem. After all, if we all had the same favourite toys we’d only end up fighting over them! SC

  4. Oh this post got me a little bit homesick. The get-off doors seat is my fave too !

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