It brings out my own personal inner critic ….It’s talks in a language of “should” and “should have dones” …it makes me forget that all the decisions I’ve made have been the best I could come up with given the situation and information I had at the time. It talks to me in blacks and whites, rights and wrongs – even though rationally I know life isn’t like that.

I have this ridiculous notion of “perfection” that I wouldn’t dream of judging anyone else by…..only myself….…. when I’m in that “bad place” it takes a constant effort to remind myself that it’s important to be kind and forgiving with myself too….and that includes allowing myself to feel sad sometimes… without worrying if I have the “right” to feel upset….and to accept help without feeling weak or guilty.

Luckily emotions (and life) aren’t static, they move and flow just like a piece of music…thankfully the tempoand melody will always change…. I can see from watching your videos you know how to improvise…..trust in that and good luck with everything. X

I’ve been following your posts as an occasional lurker, and you have gone **so** far beyond “enthusiasm”. You’re probably several steps further than “passion”, although I’ve no idea what noun describes that elevated state. Maybe something in Sanskrit which translates as “strange English woman who is at one with the world through Tango”.

For what it’s worth, during a radio monologue, there have been a few times recently when I’ve wanted to quote an example of someone who has gone after a goal, or someone who shows conviction and passion, or (and by &deity, I wish there were more people like you) someone who communicates just beautifully through words in a way to which I daren’t even aspire. Those are the times when I mention my mate Sal, who had the guts to drop everything, go halfway round the world, learn a new language, find new friends, develop a new way of life and generally do all the things that the rest of us contemplate but only get close to by reading cheap novels*.

“My mate Sal”, and I’m so glad that you have chosen to share your world with all of us. Big hugs. Happy/Merry.

John xo
“Having a wonderful time, wish I was here”

* strangely, seeing that in print reminds me that L did much the same thing. Impressive…

You guys have helped me this week, more than you know.
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Big events like New Year always seem to cause people turmoil. The combination of, you + tango + NYE + new life in BsAs, seems to have changed you perception of your current position in life. I think that this ‘voice’ is not separate to rest, but just one extreem of a continum; i think that it is the same voice that whispers in your ear when you have had the most heavenly Tango, the one that makes you feel satisfied when you have worked hard, as well as the one that challenges your decisions. Indeed, in this regard I think it must be listened to and understood. It is challenging your decisions and making you feel bad because something in your subconcious needs addressing. Pushing it away with day to day distractions and meds may only bury it deeper and make it worse. By really addressing the voice head on, you may feel better instantly because you are accpting that it is real and taking control of it. It sounds like the voice is asking you to face up to and validate the decisions that you have made about moving to BSAs. And this may be a good thing because you can turn round, when you are ready, and say ‘I am Sally, I am healthy, I am happy more often than i am not, I am not homeless/pennyless, my family and friends love me, Carlos loves me, I am talented, I can speak Spanish and I can dance Tango (which i LOVE!)’. SOME of these things you would have had if you had stayed in England, but you are lucky enough to have ALL of these things because you are in BsAs.
I don’t know for sure if i have said the right thing, i don’t know if it will help any, but i hope that it does. Cxxx

So what? Like in tango, we shouldn’t think, just do, feel, experience, live!

You are an incredible person, but how can you not feel “down” at holiday time, so far from home and loved ones?

I applaud your spirit, honesty, openess, vulnerability. Brava!!!
(And not to mention you are one heck of a writer!)

All of us have our “public personas.” When I’m feeling bad, I crawl into a hole to hide until I can come out smiling and energetic. That’s not a good thing, but a sign of weakness, disbelief I suppose that others can stand me when I’m not in my party mode.

And what expat can always be up? What human?

I almost always feel like a stranger in a strange land, trapped, a prisoner, if you will, of Buenos Aires.

I took antidepressants for a little while after my husband died, but I couldn’t stand the side effects. But I have friends who have been on them for years! Do you know that Prosac is the #1 drug of the U.S.?

Life is hard. If it helps to lean on something for a little while, why not? At least until we can learn not to be so hard on ourselves.

Sally, I hear you. I feel for you. I understand. Like all of your friends do.

This too will pass.

I, too, have had depression and anxiety – I had a breakdown a few years ago while pursuing a dream of mine, – and I recognise very well your description of the nausea-inducing random anxiety. I’m so sorry it’s rearing it’s ugly head again for you.

Everyone has to find their own path through, of course, and I know the drugs help some people, but personally I didn’t take the pills, and I’m really glad I didn’t. I worked my way out with a combination of CBT techniques from a brilliant book I found, sheer faith, and support from my amazing friends, gob bless ‘em, and I learnt so much. Like you, I’m a big believer in the learning process of life, and if I hadn’t had that experience then there’s no way I would be in Argentina now, because I learnt so much about how to deal with my own fear (which has been really debilitating all my life). Ditto for all the other challenging events of the past few years – I’ve emerged a better and stronger person, able to do more of what I want to do.

You have huge amounts of faith, courage and intelligence, and you’ve beaten it once before, so I am absolutely certain that you’ll beat it again.

As others have said, those doubts aren’t surprising – it’d be amazing if you didn’t have them. If your depression is anything like mine, I imagine the problem is not the initial doubts per se, but the way they spiral into other thoughts and feelings? For dealing with that I found CBT techniques hugely helpful (Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert – brilliant book).

Anyway. If there’s anything I can do, let me know. Really. If you need an English speaker to rant at, let me know – I have time coming out of my ears at the moment!

To come back this evening to the quiet calm of my flat and to your amazing comments of support is overwhelming. The positive energy coming out of my laptop is massive and very very welcome.
I am sitting here and making myself understand that you guys are talking to me, Sally, me.
I feel surrounded by love tonight.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

SC